A year of transformation

I knew this journey would be full of amazement and joy as we witnessed the emergence of our daughter's personality and engaged with her as she started to explore the world around her.  I also anticipated lack of sleep, stress with juggling all the tasks that would demand daily attention, and uncertainty about properly caring for a teeny tiny person.  What I didn't anticipate was the depth of transformation that I would go through...

I feel like my spirit has plumped and rolled and snuggled up inside me to tuck up against all the little spaces that I didn't know were empty.  Where I used to easily lose my temper over minor delays or inconvenient disruption, I now seem to have more room to breathe and gain perspective.  (insert disclaimer: yes, Tag, I still lose my patience, but won't you agree there's a significant shift in intensity?).  Where I thought I might be overly protective or controlling, I seem to take a relaxed and easy stance.  It seems that joy has moved in with such a commanding presence that petty frustrations have moved off to the side.  I am a more friendly driver (!).  I am a kinder grocery shopper.  When a debate or argument fires up, I don't seem to take a scrappy defensive position [Tag, again, you are my sometime exception only because you are so fun to scrap with ;o)].  Evelyn has inspired me to take inventory of my priorities and shift my thinking to allow for greater compassion, better balance, truer emotion.  She's going to make me a better person.  What a gift it is to be allowed to care for one of God's precious precious children.

As I reflect back on the past year, it's confounding how much has taken place; how many small but incredibly potent moments add up to build this beautiful story of Evelyn.  She is so full of happiness and energy.  So eager to meet a new face or greet a familiar one.  She practices her "frankenstein steps" regularly and seems to now prefer the perspective on two feet over all fours.  How is it that this incredible child is mine?  I still look at her sometimes in complete disbelief, as if I'm watching a movie, and I have to reach out and stroke her head to convince myself that she's real.  And of course, she never fails to turn her eyes up to look at me and smile, babbling and giggling, as real and solidly present as the ground below me.